Enter the No Shame Zone
I like to call my coaching sessions a NO-SHAME-ZONE. Whatever you’ve done, whatever situation you are in, no matter how bad you think it is – we will celebrate the fact that you are beginning to turn it around by coming in. Got into debt supporting a deadbeat boyfriend? WOO HOO! Bankruptcy? We have confetti. Spent the grocery money on shoes? I’ll get some champagne. THERE IS NO SHAME IN ANYTHING YOU HAVE DONE OR HAVE FAILED TO DO. Let’s put it out on the table and find a solution.
Often, people are ashamed of their money mistakes so they do everything in their power to hide them; from me, from others and mostly from themselves.
Usually this means digging the hole even deeper to keep from being discovered. You may know this cycle: ‘I can’t let my friend/family know I don’t have the money for – fill in the blank – Christmas presents? Rent? Dinner out on Friday nights? So I’ll just put it on a credit card for now, and deal with it later.’ Later it is all much worse, and it is around this time that the lie begins to transfer from others to ourselves.
Every time we borrow money (this includes credit card purchases) that we know we cannot pay off in a reasonable amount of time – we are in essence lying to ourselves. Every day that we go to work for a salary that is below what we are worth, we are lying to ourselves. When all this lying builds up, some of us begin to feel ashamed of ourselves.